iWrite A Journal
by Divided Heart
Summary: Sam's journal about loving Carly from the longest time and all her troubles through it. M in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**March 17****th****.**

**iLove you.**

I looked over at Carly, sound asleep on my arm, and sighed. I drank up her peaceful expression, the stray rays from the lamp illuminating her face softly. "You don't know what you do to me" I whispered softly. Her eyebrows creased and she stirred lightly.

"Sammy?" she asked blindly through sleep filled eyes. "Yeah cupcake?" I replied with what I hoped was a normal expression. "Why are you so comfy?" I laughed so hard when I heard her say that. "GAAAAAH SAM!" she yelled falling off the couch and onto her butt with a soft thump, though she herself started laughing a moment later.

"Should've seen your face!"

"Should've seen yours!"

I looked at her smiling softly, glad that we were laughing and joking like great friends.

_But you want more._

I dismissed my thoughts as per usual and ran off into the kitchen to find some ham. "Sam what's the time!" Carly yelled turning on the girly cow marathon. I glanced at the clock giggling still as an aftershock. "8:38 pm Cupcake!" I yelled back at her grabbing the ham from the fridge and thumping it down on the table simultaneously with the door crashing open then slamming.

"FUCK GUYS HIDE ME!"

I looked up disinterestedly, then had the shock of my life.

Freddy Cussed.

Freddy was dressed in black skinny jeans.

Freddy had a red studded belt on.

Freddy had a red shirt with black sleeves.

Freddy had black makeup on.

"HOLY SHIT YOUR EMO!" I yelled staring at him wide eyed. He nodded slowly. "HOLY CRAP YOU CUSSED!" Carly yelled after me. He nodded again.

I shared a look with Carly and we both shoved him in the closet just as Mrs Benson walked in the door. "Is my darling boy here? I thought I saw him dressed in BLACK and RED the most horrible colors ever" She said this directly to me. I gave her a filthy look looking down at my red skinny's and purple shirt. "No he's not here Mrs Benson" Carly said brightly. I looked at her sideways. She'd never really been a good liar. "Then why did I hear the door slam?" Mrs Benson asked matter of factly. "Spencer" Carly and I said simultaneously, "He just left for the store".

She looked at us sideways but said nothing more to the subject, choosing instead to walk backwards out of the door and back into her apartment.

Freddy climbed out of the closet a moment later and sat promptly on the couch. "What the fuck Fredweirdo?" I asked snappily.

"Well I go down to Hop Topic every Saturday to meet some of my friends and buy some cloths that aren't gay and shit and skate around the mall. Something wrong with that?"

I looked at him like he'd grown an extra head, and Carly stared at him with her mouth open like a fish. "S-e-r-i-o-u-s-l-y?" "Yeah. I'm gay. Couldn't let mom find out. Thanks for covering for me" He said with a smile, turning to watch TV. I grabbed Carly's hand (revelling at the touch) and dragged her into the kitchen.

"Wow…." She said almost smiling. "He's gay" I said softly looking at her meaningfully. _She doesn't care. _"Yeah" she replied thoughtfully, then walked out to go watch TV with him.

My heart spiked painfully, but I went to sit next to Carly anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**March 20th **

_iDon't Know How Long I Can Hide It_

_**After Freddie admitted he was gay everything changed, Carly started acting differently, like she needed to cover it up and Freddie wouldn't shut up about Gibby.**_

_**Yeah. Gibby.**_

_**But it hasn't really changed much, right?**_

I turned away from my journal swiftly looking back at Carly as she entered her bedroom. "Hey there cupcake!" "let me guess, your staying over again?" I grinned at her happily and pulled out season 5 of girly cow. She smiled and nodded turning her TV on.

After watching a cow beat up a swarm of alligators by squirting acidic milk at them we went upstairs to start iCarly.

"Okay we're ready to start our midnight special" Freddie announced as we sat down on our favourite bean-bags. "Kay where is Spencer? We need him for our happy baby sad baby skit." Carly said leaning forward with a tired expression.

"Over there" I said confused, pointing at the car behind us.

Spencer had fallen asleep across it.

Carly and Freddie sighed simultaneously and shrugged at each other. "Sam it's your turn" Carly giggled poking me in the ribs. I walked over to Spencer slowly prolonging the suspense, then without warning I pushed him onto the floor.

"GAAHHYAHWATCHAAA!" He screamed leaping up like a ninja. Carly laughed and Freddie just grinned like a gay dork…

"You ready Spence?" I asked pulling the baby crib from the side of the room. He nodded sleepily. "Wow! Okay guys push Spence off to the side for later cuz we're starting in 5. 4. 3. 2.…"

"I'm Carly!"

"I'm Sam!"

"And this is iiiiiCaarllyyyyyy"

"The only show that doesn't kill brain cells"

"And keeps you out of jail"

After closing the show with feeding baby Spencer guacamole we retired to the kitchen for some late night snacks.

Spencer's spaghetti taco's. (Carly's favourite).

"Great show tonight guys really great show I loved the part where you fed me guacamole even though I hate it!" Spencer said with his usual overly-enthusiastic fist pump. Carly laughed awkwardly eating her taco's in a careful manner. "Yeah that was great, hey I'm going home guys before mom gets too suspicious of what I'm doing, Later" Freddie left with a solemn expression but otherwise said nothing to add to his closing statement.

After eating our taco's Carly and I went upstairs to watch some more girlie cow.

_**I remember just laying down on the bed with Carly watching a cow swing a bear around by it's tail.**_

Half-way through the second episode we watched I reached for Carly's hand underneath the blanket we were sharing and entwined our fingers together. She started to pull away slightly (which depressed me more) but after a while she dealt with the fact that we were holding hands.

_**The soft smooth surface of her palm sent shivers down my spine.**_

She lay her head down on my shoulder, breathing softly and deeply.

She fell asleep.

I sighed and carefully rested her down on the pillow and left for the bathroom. Leaning heavily on the sink I stared at myself in the mirror.

"How long can I hide this?"


End file.
